1. What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach? "It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!"
2. What's the award for being best dentist? A little plaque.
3. What did the finger say to the thumb? I'm in glove with you.
4. What do you call a magician dog? A labracadabrador.
5. What concert costs only 45 cents?50 Cent plus Nickelback.
6. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
7. Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference.
8. What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the galaxy.
9. There are three types of people in the world. Those of us who are good at math, and those of us who aren't.
10. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!
11. Why do ghosts love elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
12. What's the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.
13. Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
14. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
15. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!
16. What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets toad!
17. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
18. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but its flag is a big plus!
19. My favorite word is "drool." It just rolls off the tongue.
20. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
21. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
22. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? "Graaaaaaaains!"
23. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible.
24. Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
25. What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!

 Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!